you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
