i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
