Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
