I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
