That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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