the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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