remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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