yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
