i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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