In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He did a backflip because drugs
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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