Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
