you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
