is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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