Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
