This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
