you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
