You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
