You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
