I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
