The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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