My nipple is on Facebook.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
