your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
