Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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