and you said cock pushups were impossible
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This is my gift to your gina
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
