I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
