Apparently you make a good broom.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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