I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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