so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
