its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
