Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
