Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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