In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
then he tried to convert me to islam
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
