we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize