I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
