I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
