I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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