2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize