Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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