he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
