HIV tests are more positive than that guy
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
