This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
