I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
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