If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
