my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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