Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
