So drunk its hurt
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize