I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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