Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
