I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
