OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
