i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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