biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
