its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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