If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
nutella sex= disaster
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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