soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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