The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My ass is underappreciated
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
