my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
