Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
