god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
