"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
