I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
