The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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