Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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