I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
