Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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