im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
