my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
being pregnant is like rehab
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
