haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
