literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
