I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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