It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
