I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
