Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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