it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
