I murdered the dance floor call the cops
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
