I will die if light touches me.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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