I can text with my tongue
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
