It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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