hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize