my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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