There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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