The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
