Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize